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Answering the call
Nebraska deacon felt led to Sudan ministry
"The way God calls you is … anytime," said the Rev. Daniel Deng Kuot. He met McNutt in 2002 at the Church of the Resurrection in Omaha, Nebraska, several thousand miles from his home in Lith Payam, Sudan. McNutt worked with Kuot as program administrator for the outreach program in the Omaha Sudanese community, and they became close friends.
"This time opened Robin to the outside world," he said. "She asked about my faith, and I explained stories of life back home and in the States. She felt she could go as far as Sudan to spread the word of God."
A year after McNutt met Kuot, she planned to finance his return to Boma in Sudan to set up a church compound for five south Sudanese tribes. "I asked to go to Boma with him, but he said 'no,'" McNutt recalled, laughing.
Kuot thought at the time it was too dangerous to go, so McNutt looked for another way into the country. The answer came through Sudanese Archdeacon Bol Deng. He was a friend of the Rev. Tom O'Dell, rector of All Saints Episcopal Church in Omaha. McNutt met him while serving as a deacon there. Deng came from the same area in Sudan as Kuot, and Robin asked to go back with him to his village of Maar. This time the answer was "yes."
The Rev. Judi Yeates, rector at Church of the Resurrection when McNutt met Kuot there, had taught McNutt in an Education for Ministry class at All Saints and led her on a youth mission trip to the Dominican Republic. It didn't surprise her that McNutt wanted to go to Sudan, she said. "Robin is about making a difference in the world. She feels that we have been blessed with an abundance that needs to be shared."
Early call to ministry
Ordained a deacon in 2004, McNutt said she had known her place was in ministry since she was 12. When she was 17, she considered becoming an Episcopal nun. McNutt married before finishing college but divorced when her children were young. She never considered remarrying because she feared it would get in the way of her children and her work, she said. "Over time, I truly felt I was married to God, so I have never really regretted this choice."
Her dedication to God and to others carried into her professional life. She was certified as a hospital chaplain in 2002 and has been a volunteer for the Red Cross for 10 years, including spending time in Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina.
In 2007, the Episcopal Church commissioned her as a missionary to Southern Sudan. The two Omaha congregations, her family and friends supported her decision. "They held fund raisers, and there was lots of excitement for the trip," McNutt said.
There were concerns, though.
"My reaction was that it was too early, too risky, to visit the Sudan," Yeates said "I feared for her safety."
McNutt's children, Kendra Neel and Robert Fish, did not think this was the best decision either. "I was worried about her safety a great deal," Neel recalled. "I felt she was putting herself in a dangerous position."
After two Navy tours in Iraq, Fish said, he understood the dangers. "My initial reaction to my mother going over to Sudan was: What the heck is she thinking?"
They expressed their worries but knew there was no stopping their mother. "If she gets her mind set on something, 99 percent of the time there is no talking her out of it," Fish said.
Beginning the adventure
In January 2006, McNutt left for Maar with Deng. After four flights and an orientation in Nairobi, Kenya, she landed in the village of Paliau. But one leg remained: a two-hour walk to Maar. She walked the nine miles in a long skirt and 100-degree heat.
"I was not in the greatest shape when I got there," she admitted. "I had lost 35 pounds when I got back."
Deng suggested she borrow a bicycle from some children, but she refused. "I didn't want people to see me for the first time as the fat old white lady they had to carry on the bicycle," she said.
Once in Maar, McNutt's presence puzzled the Dinka, she said. "They were always doing -- working the fields, cooking, washing. They couldn't understand me just being there not doing."
Despite this, they became McNutt's friends and protectors. She was never alone. But though they tried, they could not hide the violence still lurking in their country.
McNutt arrived a year after the comprehensive peace agreement of 2005, but it was far from in effect. She witnessed the impact of the conflict on her village. One day she found her hut full of men searching for something.
"They were looking for a rifle. The [other tribe] had started to sweep through the area, so they had to protect themselves," McNutt explained.
While she was not there to fight off intruders, McNutt used the tools she had to help the Dinka however she could. Most of their needs were medical.
She brought as many over-the-counter medicines as possible, along with antibiotics and other simple first-aid necessities. She gave children Tylenol PM if they got a scorpion bite, so they could sleep through the pain. One girl's eyes were completely swollen, and McNutt gave her eye-infection medicine.
"It surprised me how little they [mothers] knew about treating the sick," she said. "They didn't know to pour cold water on a boy to reduce the fever."
As much as she was helping the Dinka, they were helping and teaching her. Despite their situations, these people loved life and those around them above all else, she said. "I learned that people in extreme poverty can be the most blessed and rich people of all. These people believe in God so much that they will do everything and endure."
Not finished
McNutt said she knew her work in Sudan was not done. "Everyone who goes to Africa wants to go back," she said, clearly frustrated she has not been able to return. "I don't want them to think I've abandoned them."
On a second trip to Sudan – this time with Kuot – McNutt did not reach Maar because violence forced her to remain in Boma. "I have this image of my friends guarded in a circle, and I can't get to them; the medicine and food can't get there," she said.
Her goal is to return in a larger group late this year or early in 2009. Kuot said he was fairly certain the country would be safe enough for travel by then. "Now it's getting better, and she will be able to go and stay as long as she needs to."
McNutt said he planned to go to Maar and the neighboring villages of Konbeck and Pagook. She will explore the possibilities for her mission work in the area and where All Saints should contribute its resources for the best outcome.
McNutt's hopes and dreams for Sudan could take years to fulfill. "I would love to bring the Red Cross to Sudan," she said. "It's not there, and it would help increase the funding for medicine."
Her first concern, however, is returning to her village and the friends she loves.
Three months in Maar taught McNutt a lot about the Dinka. But most importantly, her time there was a spiritual journey they helped her take, she said.
"Three weeks into my trip, I thought, 'What the hell am I doing here?' So I read the book of Job," she recalled, explaining that Job's story reminded her of how people learn to persevere no matter what tribulations life brought them. "I can't help thinking God is so proud of them. Could I do that?"
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