His 4-year-old daughter, Cindy, seems oblivious to her dad’s discomfort. She places a plastic teacup on the table in front of him and pours a cup of pretend liquid from a toy teapot. Davis picks it up and sips distractedly.

Then he bounds up in a single sudden movement and quickly leaves the room. A blonde woman in a chartreuse satin shirt appears in the doorway -- Cindy’s mother, Natalyia. After a few minutes of hugging and kissing, the tea party resumes where it so abruptly left off, albeit with a different parent.

Elsewhere in the school, which every other weekend is transformed into a Supervised Child Access and Transfer Center, similar scenes play out. Parents like Natalyia, who are permitted only supervised visits, play with their children under the watchful eye of the center’s monitors. Parents with weekend custody come to transfer their children back and forth without having to encounter each other.

The center is run by St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church and was set up by the Children’s Rights Council, a nonprofit group that helps children in family breakups. It is one of 37 centers started by the CRC in the United States; six of them run by Episcopal churches.
The centers are designed to keep children from being exposed to anger and ugliness when their parents’ relationships end while enabling them to maintain contact with both parents.

“This idea has kind of matured in the last 10 years, and we’ve been proponents of that slogan: ‘The best parent is both parents,’” said Al Ellis, CRC director of child access services. Ellis helped set up the St. Matthew’s center and later established one in his own parish, St. James’, in Potomac, Md. Transfer centers let parents exchange their children but do not offer supervised visits.

“In most cases, the children only know love for their parents, whether they’re good parents or bad parents,” said Robin Winkler-Pickett, who runs a newer transfer center at St. James’ Episcopal Church in Mount Airy, Md. “The child benefits in most cases from contact with both parents.”

Children’s safety first

Most St. Matthew’s referrals come through the court system, Ellis said, estimating that about a quarter of the parents are under some kind of protective order.

“Usually after three to four visits, parents see we’re not a threat. We’re just there to help the children,” he said. “We’re here to keep kids safe -- that’s the first thing we do.” Monitors are trained to lead conversations away from the other parent, Winkler-Pickett said. And to demonstrate impartiality, the centers employ both male and female monitors, with about one monitor for every two families.

“They’ve been trained to be absolutely neutral, because whatever you see, you have no clue as to the reality of the situation,” she said.

Ground rules are strictly enforced, and monitors make it clear they will call 911 at the slightest provocation, Ellis said. St. Matthew’s even employs a security guard.

In the gray early morning, parents line up in the narrow hallway of St. Matthew’s to sign in. A retired police officer checks them for weapons and evidence of intoxication or substance abuse.

Tension runs close to the surface. Jeffrey Land, a 39-year-old father, has been to the center five times for his court-appointed visits with Steven, his 7-year-old son. He has been faithful, showing up for each visit and logging in on time, but to no avail: His ex-wife has never brought Steven to the center. As Land waits, a monitor approaches with a phone message from his ex, informing him she will not bring Steven because he must attend a birthday party.  It is the same excuse she has given for every missed visit.

But Land hasn’t given up. “I love my son,” he said. “I just wish so desperately to be with him. My son needs to know I love him, because I do. He’s the star of my life. He’s going to think, 'My father left me, my father didn’t care enough.'”

Making a parent accountable

Signing in at the center offers comfort but can do more than that, Winkler-Pickett said. In some cases, it can provide the evidence to get court orders changed.

“The log is available to the court system and to clients themselves,” she said. “It documents whether they’re living up to their custody issues, it documents their time. It just holds them accountable.”

The center’s records helped John Lacey, a 33-year-old dad, prove he was responsible enough to have regular visits with his estranged 12-year-old son. They also helped him negotiate a 90-day trial period to visit his 16-year-old daughter, which he hopes will earn him the right to continued visits.

Accountability is one of the things Jim French likes most about the center. In previous times, he often arrived to pick up his 7-year-old son, Chris, for his weekend visit and found no one at home. When exchanges did occur, they often degenerated into shouting matches. But after the former couple began using the center, the percentage of missed visits dropped from around 40 to about 5, he said.

“It’s certainly improved my son’s disposition, because he’s not involved in a tug of war,” French said. “It’s absolutely the best mechanism that I’ve found for right now.”