Directors:

I got so worked up seeing May's provocateur that I knew at once I could not respond evenly.
I have accepted the stillness expected from adults, barely remembering the joy of twirling my dress in the aisle as the choir sings. I'm over that, more or less, so why respond? But there was a tugging at my sleeve. It was my 4 �-year-old son. Who would speak for him? He goes to church. A lot.  It is a part of who he is. He sings the Sanctus every time Thomas the Train passes the cathedral on his train table. He knows the prayers and sings the responses. While sharing Oreos with fellow pew-sitters one Sunday morning, he whispered, "Momma. This is just like Communion."

Ah, my sweet. That was even more like Communion. Sometimes he quietly wanders the side aisle, in search of a beloved Sunday school teacher from whom he is guaranteed a wave. He gets fruit chews when the sermon begins, saving one for his favorite priest, whom he all but tackles during the parade out to make sure she gets it.

He exchanges the peace with our homeless members scattered about the church, his tiny, soft, sticky hand pressed happily into the calluses of theirs. His movements and sounds, and those of the other children in the service, are an integral part of the gathered body -- as much as the music, the words, the crazies shouting out, the sirens in the streets and the bells in the tower. He belongs there in that chorus of worship. It is his as much as it is mine, or yours.

Children do not misbehave in the pews because they�ve not been taught church etiquette. Children in our churches act out of their intuitive awareness of the rupture between what adults teach them are the behavioral, symbolic and doctrinal pathways to God and what they already know existentially about sacramental life.  To expect children to act as polite and well-trained adults in worship in which they find no meaning or mystery is to insult them and, worse, to do spiritual damage.

Once a 7-year-old who�d come to church for the first time made his way to the altar. As I prayed the Eucharistic story, this child put his hands on his hips and asked in a loud and very indignant voice, �You mean he died?�

Bad behavior? I don�t think so. When was the last time you were truly shocked and outraged at the news?

Bravo to Doris J. Niemann for recommending reverence during worship services! As the mother of three children (now 15, 19 and 22), I missed many a sermon over the years -- I was out in the lobby calming a child.

By the time the children were in school, they were expected to sit quietly for the entire service, speak the responses and sing along on the hymns.  Or at least hum along.  In the car on the way home, they got a critique of their church behavior.

I definitely think children should attend services, and there should be some events tailored just for them.  But how can the rest of the congregation worship when there are kids running up and down the aisles every Sunday?

Our parish is wrestling with the children-in-church issue.  Some (mostly older) agree with Doris Niemann: Children should adapt to our adult-style services.

Luckily, my son enjoyed church from the beginning, quietly.  He refused to attend Sunday school, which overlapped the Eucharistic service, not wanting to miss the sermon!

My sister, whose first child was polite and perfect, credits her second child, a holy terror, with saving her from the sin of parental pride.  From parents of children suffering various neurological disorders, including ADHD,  I�ve learned that children�s behavior is largely due to neurological wiring. Some smugly blame the victim with environmental explanations for hyperactivity, but I have personal experience to the contrary.  Even the normal spectrum includes many children who can�t sit still in church without a full body cast.

Worship by God�s people is more likely to be noisy and messy than quiet and meditative � unless we insist on Stepford children in our pews.  Jesus said it best:  �Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for of such is the kingdom of God.� 

Children are gifts -- noisy, active, trusting, inquisitive gifts -- from God.  All children need to be nurtured in a loving, caring environment in order to develop a deeply rooted, lasting faith that can be carried with them, to guide them through whatever situations life presents them. The development of that faith and trust in God is the responsibility of all of us. We are reminded of that each time we renew our baptismal covenant and promise to help keep the newly baptized strong in faith and commitment.

We all learn through repetition.  Some skills take longer than others to master. Some people need more repetitions. But in all cases, one needs proximity to a situation for that repetition to occur.  Children will need to make noise in church, so they can be guided how to stop!

This process may take years.  But if we squelch their joyful expressions of faith through inflexible religious practices, we will lose the opportunity to help guide their development.  If we do not provide that guidance, some other force may.

Children, with all their "flaws" and with all their gifts, belong with all of us (and all our flaws), close to God, in his church!